Our records indicate……

Two days after my birthday I was told to stop eating fruits and vegetables. The day after that there was to be nothing but clear liquid. And, the next morning, of course, there was nothing save for one thing…..

For several years I have received letters that all read the same,

Our records indicate you have not yet taken the test. Please call our office as soon as possible to schedule this test.

Finally, after delaying the inevitable for four years, I scheduled the test. Then I made a trip to the pharmacy and collected a gallon jug with a little powdery substance in the bottom.

The instructions were to drink one half the gallon Sunday evening. An 8-ounce glass should be consumed every ten minutes. The second glass in hand, I said to my husband, “You know, it is possible for a person to die from over-hydration.” He ignored me.

He was cooking soup so I could have a cup of the flavorful, clear broth after the half gallon was gone. Unfortunately by the time I finished the half gallon, the last thing I wanted was something else to drink. I was bloated and miserable.

Monday morning I got up at 5am to finish the gallon. Standing by the fire in the quiet of morning, I tried my best to finish this gallon…. but finally poured the last two inches down the drain. I was done.

Before long I was in a hospital gown and the nurse was peppering me with questions. Have you eaten in the last 24 hours? When did you last take your vitamins? Do you have any bruises or broken bones? Did you drink the entire gallon?

They rolled me into a room that looked like a science lab. An I.V. in my right arm, a little clamp on my finger and the blood pressure monitor quietly inflating and deflating on my left arm.

The nurse put a very comfortable pillow under my head and covered me with a warm blanket. I could see a monitor – heart rate 57, blood pressure 98 over……”Are you ready to go to sleep?” the nurse was saying. She was already filling the I.V. with what my husband had told me would be Valium.

They wanted to know if I was getting tired. I said, “Not yet but don’t ask me to name the Presidents.” That’s the last thing I remember.

I was barely awake when I heard the doctor telling my husband they found nothing. Everything was fine and I had survived the test…..and the gallon.

Our family is preparing a Thanksgiving feast today. My husband will put the turkey in the oven tonight and we will awake tomorrow morning to its wonderful aroma. The sweet potato casserole is in the fridge awaiting its topping of soft, slightly browned marshmallows.

I’ll prepare the cornbread dressing my mother taught me to make so long ago from a recipe that only existed in her head. The warm, chocolate chip pie won’t last long in spite of the fact that we will all be stuffed to the brim.

imageThere was a touch of snow all around the mountain this morning, its white blanket covering all remains of fall. The dogs have played outside until their heart’s content and now they are asleep by the fire.

Today I am thankful for my home and a family that loves me…..and that there will not be another gallon in my future for ten more years.

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone.

2 thoughts on “Our records indicate……

  1. Ah, the *gallon*…! I got one of those as an early Christmas present two years ago. I sympathize; it is no fun, nor is the test, but one does what one must, yes?

    I’m glad everything turned out OK. It sounds as if you will very much enjoy a lovely holiday (and you got snow to boot – gorgeous!). Happy Thanksgiving!


    1. Yes, I kept wondering why after all our medical advances they cannot find a better process for that test. Ugh. But all’s well that ends well I suppose. Happy Thanksgiving to you!


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