Where We’ve Been

Marriage is not always pretty. It can be downright fussy. Until you realize without warning, it’s perfect. I’ve walked down the aisle four times, and ran out the front door three. Maybe it’s not the perfect record, but I’ve always said, I am where I am because of where I’ve been.

The anniversary of my last walk down the aisle was last Monday. Eighteen years ago, at 39 years old, I knew from the get-go this marriage would not go down in the Guinness book of records for the longest marriage ever – we wouldn’t live that long. What I did hope for was a ‘good’ marriage. I felt certain I could accomplish this small feat with the perfect partner.

For those first few years it was obvious you don’t pick the perfect partner – you create one. Then I realized he might be feeling the same way about me. Getting the little things right seemed incredibly urgent. I couldn’t believe he didn’t understand how important it was to turn the lights off when he left a room. He found it amazing I couldn’t be happy with the same cleaning service, gardener, or dry cleaners.

I asked him what he had learned the most after being married to me for 18 years. He said patience. After we I laughed, he told me he’s learned that I’m hard-working, thoughtful, a good listener, and that he appreciates that I have what he calls positive ambitions. The funny thing is I would have said all the same things about him.

He holds my hand when we walk together, and kisses me before he leaves to go anywhere. I think he’s the smartest person I’ve ever known. . . and the last time I wrote glowing things about him to this blog, his ego got so big I could hardly live with him for a solid year.

The first marathon I ran was 10 years ago, which means he’s spent more than half our married life enduring my long-run days, and the resulting middle-of-the-night gimps to the bathroom. It crosses my mind that we’re both getting older and you never know what these middle-of-the-night gimps may be preparing us for.

Our resolve has been tested at times, but our best decision seems to have been to approach everything as partners. We would end up being partners in businesses, investments, as parents to each other’s children, and with our families – although we both agree the most important partnership has been in life itself.

The fast-paced and adventurous early years have transitioned to simple, sometimes lazy days of retirement where it seems more important than ever to be at peace with yourself and each other. We are here, after all, because of where we’ve been.